I am a social person but that doesn’t explain how I feel about people in general. I have
always had a tough time navigating my thoughts on the people around me. I am a pessimistic person who is a doormat, that’s what my sister once told me. I feel like it is very true that I sometimes may care too much about people to a point that I might forget that I will never get the same dedication. I guess it is because I have been disappointed several times. Disappointment is only a fallout of my expectations of the people around me. Sometimes it may just be me who keeps running around for their validation. Humans have a wild tendency of believing their own opinion, or that’s what I observed. Sometimes this belief may blind them to what’s the truth. That truth can often be so harsh, hence why they blind themselves to it. I have wondered how many people have a different view of me just because they decided to believe someone’s word about me. In the same sense have I given people expectations and failed them, of course, I have. I love to see how I was turned from an extrovert to an introverted ambivert through the whole pandemic lockdown. The lockdown brought the best and worst of humanity to my eyes. It was the same for me. I lost many friends. I went into the lockdown with about a large circle that could fill an auditorium and came out with a total of just 6 friends and three of them are miles away, so I haven’t seen them in a while. Humans in summary have disappointed me at every turn and I guess that’s why humans love cats and dogs (frogs included). I have sat and thought about this deep and hard on how to avoid this array of sad mistakes on repeat, do I just stop socializing with other people and live in a forest? do I stop having expectations of humanity? Try not to chase validation from other people? or do I just get better friends who wouldn’t disappoint me? Maybe the last one. Maybe I should realize that this is a world of humans, and they are flawed like I am flawed. We all can not satisfy everyone, and neither can be everyone’s heroes, cause in some stories you need a villain. Maybe I should leave my expectation of a perfect relation to the Gods or maybe not. Just maybe I should accept the world and try to understand it.
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