Probably until Death

Habits that built of that grey sky

Started with sharing a simple bottle

Not very soothing but its different today

Packs that were passed around

Kept my distance for only so long

When curiosity came in and wonder settle

Now I am left chasing highs

By one means or the other

Worst of all cursed with a body that can't even handle

Better yet blessed with the self-sabotaging nature of my life

Even with my bad luck, I still haven't died

3 close calls and all I can do is wonder wtf did I do to live this long

Bones that are weaker than dust

Muscles tensed like a doll

Mind on its last stems of hope

Give me another puff

Then back to blissful silence

Backs to heartwarming numbness

I am too in over my head

A busy train of thoughts

My feet wobble as I try to remember

The layout of this home I have been in

No one was there to see my pathetic face

Streamlined with tears and a bloody nose

The stubbornness that leads me to death

Cradled by the thought of self-sabotage

Sink water was always this cold?

Makeup running off along with the tears

Pain in my mind, pain in my chest, just pain

Huh, it's been a while since I have been here

Caressing my face

Trying to see through blurry vision

Someone, I thought I had buried

Someone I knew was equally a part of me

"I am not embarrassed by you!" I yell

That was a lie, no matter how loudly I deny it

Coughed up all the lies with blood

Somehow found ice in the barren fridge

Laying on the cold hard floor

While my mind continues to race along

How long will we stay here avoiding ourself

"Probably until death" I sighed

While I take the last one out of the packet